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S2 Episode 1: Yes
The first episode of the second season begins with Tara and her family ceremoniously dumping the clothing of Tara’s alternate personalities into a donation bin, to celebrate the absence of the other parts for three months. Tara reassures the family that they are all gone. Several scenes portray everything about the family as happy and perfect, now that the others are “gone.” There are several scenes of Tara taking medications contentedly. Kate graduates from High School early, Marshall is doing well, and Max is obviously successful. Charmaine is involved in a wonderful new relationship, and all seems well with the world.
This perfection is shattered by the sound of a gunshot. Don Hubbard, their reclusive next door neighbor, has just shot himself. Neighbors gather outside the Hubbard house and chatter nervously as emergency personnel take the body away. Tara and Max meet a gay couple, Ted and Hannie. They share the common bond of being the “different” families in the neighborhood. Tara invites them over for dinner. At dinner with Ted, Hannie, Charmaine, and Nick, we see a broader range of feelings and behavior from Tara than we have witnessed in previous episodes. Ted reveals a painful psychological childhood trauma and talks about the wonderful therapist he had in New York, Dr. Shoshanna Schoenberg. Conversation shifts toward how much effort Hubbard put into killing himself, and how much he must have wanted to die. Max desperately tries to change the topic, proposing they play board games.
Don Hubbard’s sister, Jana, shows up at the door and asks Tara and Max if they will keep an eye on Don’s house, which is now up for sale. Jana gives them the keys to Don Hubbard’s house and car, and returns home to Florida. Max and Tara go out for drinks. There, the bartender/cocktail waitress flirts with Max, who flirts back. As Tara witnesses this flirtation, we see a very brief change of posture and facial expression, which demonstrates she is having some reaction. Back home, Max initiates a discussion of buying Don’s house at a bargain price, confident no one would want it after the suicide. Soon after, we see Tara let herself into the Hubbard house and walk through it slowly and silently as though it were a shrine. Something is moving her deeply, but we have no clue about what she is reacting to. Later that evening, we see Tara in Don’s home office. Tara seems entranced by his large wooden executive desk and leather chair. That night, Tara is unable to sleep. We observe her as she undergoes marked changes in her facial expression, and quietly leaves her bedroom and her home. We see her next as Buck, returning to the bar where they had had drinks earlier. Buck flirts with the bartender/waitress who had flirted with Max earlier, and she flirts back.
As these events transpire, the other members of the Gregson family appear to be doing well. Contrary to Tara’s denial of herself, Marshall lets his apparently authentic self “out” and gets involved with gay activism at school. Kate gets her first “real” job in collections, and she seems to make a successful beginning. Charmaine’s boyfriend proposes to her, and she happily accepts.
Commentary:
Tara’s alters seem to have simply disappeared. It is implied that they are gone because she is back on medication. Is this realistic? To quote the commentary on Season 1, Episode 2, “No medication directly affects whether switching will occur more or less frequently,” although it is possible that medication could indirectly reduce switching by decreasing anxious or depressed responses to stress. Alters may become inactive or seem to have integrated for a number of reasons: They may withdraw to avoid someone or something they would rather not have to deal with. They may act in the best interests of all, as they perceive it, by hiding from the outside world. These withdrawals may keep the client out of the hospital or prevent disruption of a relationship. Sometimes alters may appear only when they perceive that their “special skills” are needed. In the absence of overt transitioning or “switching,” a dissociative individual may look like one highly functional personality, one highly dysfunctional personality, or anything in between. It is not likely that the average DID patient whose alters are inactive will look quite as perfect as Tara appears in the opening scenes of this episode. Wishing alters away or commanding them to go away never works for long. Long-term resolution is likely to be achieved only by integrating the functions of the alters into one unified personality. This usually requires considerable work with a therapist who has training and experience in treating dissociative disorders. Therapy includes processing traumatic memories, but only after helping the patient to develop the skills necessary to manage them safely.
After a series of stressful events, the alters are emerging again. How realistic is this? Alters are likely to emerge in times of stress, especially if the person feels threatened or is faced with the possibility of loss or rejection. After Don’s suicide, we see Tara present us with brief glimpses of behaviors that we associate with Alice and with T, but these are not overt or complete “transitions.” Soon after Tara appears to feel threatened by the flirting between Max and the bartender/waitress, Buck comes out overtly. Buck’s immediately returning to the bar and flirting with the bartender is more drama than probable reality, although it is not beyond the realm of possibility. We could wonder whether Buck has decided that Tara is incapable of handling this situation on her own. Buck has shown us in past episodes that he acts when he perceives that “the girls” are incapable of managing situations. Having a male alter emerge to manage stress is not unrealistic. The presence of a male Protector alter is very common, especially if the victim believes that she may not have been hurt if she was male. Although it appears that Buck may be trying to manage the threat imposed by the bartender, Buck could also be trying to engage with the bartender as a distraction to the feelings brought on by Don’s suicide, or by Ted’s story of his past trauma. Any of these stressors could be reasons to precipitate a switch to another part of the self. One other possibility is that Tara has several different sexual identifications, and wishes to initiate an affair that will be homosexual for some parts of the mind and heterosexual for others. We must wonder as well whether Tara/Buck felt threatened by Max’s flirtation and needed to both make a statement that she could demonstrate sexual desirability, or even outdo Max by carrying the flirtation to a higher level. Many more dynamics might be considered. The shape of future events for these tangled relationships will be seen over time.
How might the suicide of a friend or neighbor affect a person with DID?
We cannot be certain of the specific outcome, but we can be sure that there would be an impact. In some cases, suicide may suddenly be seen by the person with DID as a viable “escape” from emotional pain, or as something she can have control over. The person or system could also shut down or go into denial to avoid it. It could bring forth parts that want to prevent suicide or commit suicide. The efforts that alters may engage in to prevent suicide may or may not be adaptive, effective, or even logical (e.g., precipitating less severe crises causing the client to be hospitalized). In Tara’s case, we may see how this unfolds in future episodes. A treating therapist should pay particular attention to risk assessment at such times.
Tara appears to have integrated, and this is followed by re-emergence of the alters…is this common? This is actually quite common. Most initial apparent integrations, especially those which have taken place without the processing of traumatic material, are transitory or illusory. When a pseudo-integration has been imposed by an outside force, such as a very directive therapist or a spouse who threatens to leave if the person with DID is not “getting it together,” the suppressed but not integrated alters may return with a vengeance. In these cases, alters may be angry because they feel controlled, suppressed, ignored, or rejected. If the alters have retired from overt functioning voluntarily for a while, their reemergence may be less complicated and less dramatic. They may reassert their presence simply to be recognized or to accomplish a specific mission or task. Here we see a reemergence of alters as Tara starts to feel overwhelmed. We cannot be sure whether the parts were quiet voluntarily or they felt “banished.” We are likely to find this out as the season unfolds.
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S2 Episode 2: Trouble Junction
The second episode begins and ends in the bed of Pammy, the waitress at the bar where Tara and Max enjoyed a couple of beers in the last episode. In the first scene, Buck is lying in the bed with a satisfied grin. He looks approvingly toward Pammy sleeping quietly beside him, clearly in the afterglow of sex. Buck leaves, and we see him jogging home. Suddenly, he bends over as though he is going to be sick. As he straightens up, we see that he has transitioned to Tara, who seems confused about what is happening, but aware that she has lost time. The viewer is left with the impression that Tara has no idea where she is or what she had just been doing with Pammy. After transitioning from Buck back to Tara, she arrives home and finds Charmaine waiting for her. Tara tells the first of several lies designed to cover up her amnesia, explaining that she woke up at 3 am, felt “hyper” and went for a walk.” Later, she tells Max she woke up at 5 am, and Charmaine notices the discrepancy in Tara’s story.
Charmaine eagerly announces her engagement to Tara. For Charmaine, becoming engaged means that she has, in her words, at last become someone who is “cool.” Charmaine wants to transform herself into a virgin without a checkered past. She engages in a fantasy that being engaged can make her into another person, a much better person. This wishful thinking offers a small window into the DID individual’s strong need to be someone else, “not me.” In this scene, Charmaine and Tara give the viewer two small but important glimpses into the mysterious past they shared growing up in the same family. While jumping up and down and hugging Tara excitedly, she makes a striking remark. She says, “I’m getting married, Mama!” Then Tara embraces her little sister much as a mother might embrace her daughter. The moment is tender and touching. It also raises questions about whether Tara might have been a major caretaker for her younger sister, indicating perhaps their mother was unavailable when they were young. Being forced into the role of caretaker for others as a child is a relatively common experience in those who have DID, leaving them with unmet developmental needs and with compromised capacities for self-care. Charmaine asks Tara if she can move in with the Gregson family until the wedding so she can “re-virginate” herself. Tara and Charmaine engage in adolescent chatter about sex in a way that leaves the viewer unclear how either of them really think or feel about sex as adults. But Charmaine does make a comment about no longer “giving away free milk,” suggesting she may be tired and/or ashamed of her previous sexual behavior.
The second glimpse into their childhood occurs when Charmaine agrees with Tara’s comment that Charmaine is lovable, and then unexpectedly throws out a negative comment about their parents who apparently made them feel they were not good enough and thus undeserving of good relationships: “I know! I mean we were raised to believe we should eat dog shit, you know, so you get used to dog shit.” Tara looks puzzled and asks Charmaine if she really believes that their parents raised them “to eat dog shit,” her tone mildly defensive. Charmaine does not miss a beat as she sidesteps the question, saying “No,” then “I don’t know,” and soon returns to her nonstop chatter about her engagement. In that short exchange, Charmaine demonstrates the kind of “double think” common in families of people who develop DID (i.e. she says one thing and then the opposite in the same breath). She changes the subject easily, demonstrating the avoidance at which Tara (and Max) is already highly skilled. But Charmaine’s comments leave the viewer with another puzzle piece about the sisters’ vague but clearly disturbed childhood. With her next comment, Charmaine demonstrates another characteristic typical of highly dysfunctional families - “magical thinking.” She says: “I am done with dog shit. I am reborn. I am going to be somebody’s wife.” We can reflect that so many women may entertain such fantasies, however a “rebirth” via marriage is highly unrealistice.
Meanwhile, the Gregson teenagers are striking off on their own individual paths out into the world, each striving to achieve the core developmental task of adolescence, establishing a stable personal identity. The viewer cannot help but wish them better luck than their mother and their aunt. Kate tries to track down what she hopes will be her “big fish,” that is, a client whose collected debt will allow her to earn her first big commission. Ever pushing the boundaries, Kate goes against company policy and drives to the address of a woman she has identified as her potential “big fish.” Her internet investigation of the debtor, a woman named Lynda P. Frazier, turns up a fascinating website highlighting a winged fantasy character, Princess Valhalla Hawkwind. Kate is more than a little curious, drawn in by the idea of meeting someone larger than life. She is clearly disappointed when Linda explains that the princess was no more than the product of her imagination during her “Dungeons and Dragons” phase two decades earlier. Seeing Kate’s disappointment, Linda spontaneously and confidently assumes the pose of the website’s fantasy figure saying “She’ll always be a part of me.” (If only integration of alters was so easy for individuals with DID!)
Marshall shows up for a new school club being organized by Lionel, the flamboyant and militant leader of the lunchroom Gay Table or “Gayble.” A female student, Courtney, points out that Lionel’s acronym for the club, GLBTA, or Gay- Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Association does not account for students like herself who are "straight but not rigid” and nevertheless want to support the club and its members. Lionel responds to her in a condescending manner. Marshall supports Courtney, pointing out that there may be people who are “undecided” or “independent” and suggesting it might be a mistake to exclude individuals who are undecided about their sexual preferences, or are straight but supportive of other sexual orientations. Later in the boys’ locker room, Lionel pushes Marshall to make up his mind about his sexual orientation. Marshall pushes back, pointing out that Lionel’s militancy may be negatively affecting their group: “You ruin it for gay people, Lionel, you do. You make being gay something no one would want to be.” He ends by saying, “I’m not you, OK, Lionel?”
Meanwhile, Max has developed an obsession with the house of the neighbor who committed suicide, unilaterally deciding to buy it and fix it up, perhaps another major distraction from his family troubles. Tara tries to talk with Max about his reasons for wanting the house, pointing out at least twice that he is leaving her out of this major decision. But Max does not seem to register Tara’s concerns and questions. Tara pointedly says to Max, “Sometimes I just think I’m this voice you tune out ….. ‘crazy wife talking.’” Max’s response seems to prove her point - he sits down at the piano and plunks out a song, quickly charming Tara into joining him in a duet. The viewer will painfully recognize his masterful avoidance of Tara’s confrontations and Tara’s easy buy-in as an enabler, a party to the avoidance.
The house inspection turns up some serious problems which the inspector points out does not have to be a problem if you’re just “sully-rigging,” meaning taking short cuts on quality repairs if Max intends just to “fix it up and flip it,” but not the sort of repairs Max would want if he really intended to occupy it himself for any length of time. Perhaps this exchange is a metaphor for the ways in which both Tara and Max are dealing with her DID, trying to find a quick fix, even though it will not be stable in the long run: seeking shelter in a house of cards. It is not much of a stretch to recognize the Hubbard house as not only a distraction, but also a metaphor for Tara and the alters who temporarily use her body but do not take care of “Tara” as a whole person.
In a later scene Buck shows up at the Gregson family dinner as a type of visual hallucination only visible to Tara, follows Tara upstairs when she excuses herself, and asks for permission to “borrow” her body for awhile. “I need the body …. come on, just for a few hours.” While grocery shopping earlier for the meal, Tara and Charmaine ran into Pammy in the store, and later in the parking lot. Tara’s memory varies across a wide range within minutes. At first she doesn’t recognize Pammy at all, then blurts out “you’re the bartender.” Charmaine is within easy earshot but seems to be pretending not to notice as she continues looking around the store for dinner ingredients, muttering “we’re forgetting something!” And soon after, when Pammy and Tara bump into each other again in the parking lot of the grocery store while returning their grocery carts, Tara apologizes to Pammy with “I don’t know what happened between us … nothing else is going to happen between us” and then warning Pammy “I’m trouble, I am trouble … okay?”
In one of the most intense and emotionally raw scenes of the series to date, Tara arrives home from the grocery store, pulls out her phone as she walks in the front door and starts videotaping herself talking out loud to herself as she becomes increasingly upset. The viewer is reminded that the very first scene of the series began with Tara videotaping herself, describing her stresses as a person with DID. In this extremely painful scene, Tara is hysterical, nearly hyperventilating as she repeats “… it’s happening again, I’m losing time again, I’m fuckin’ freaking.” She retreats into a closet and sits on the floor, continuing to shakily videotape her emotional outburst as she appears to be emotionally unraveling. “I thought I was better, we all thought I was better … I can’t, I can’t.”
Kate arrives home late for the family dinner from her excursion to Lynda P. Frazier’s house, announcing she has met an amazing woman and her “mind has literally been blown.” A brief debate ensues about what exactly is involved if someone’s “mind is literally blown “ and Kate repeats the phrase as she looks clearly stunned to see that Marshall has invited a girl to dinner - Courtney, the female student from the GLBTA meeting. Interest in a girl does not fit with the family’s assumption that Marshall is gay. Max initiates a toast “to love and houses” and about the same time Buck appears to Tara as a kind of visual hallucination, posturing around the dinner table, trying to get her attention. Tara excuses herself to go upstairs, is followed by Buck, and their interaction is interrupted when Max appears at the bedroom door and asks Tara if she is okay. The viewer distinctly sees what appears to be an outward manifestation of an internal struggle cross Tara’s face as she struggles to avoid completely switching out of her Tara self and into Buck. She seems to just barely avoid a switch while Max stands at the door checking on her, and insists that she’s fine. Max seems satisfied and then announces he’s going next door to make a to-do list for the new house.
In the final three minutes of this episode, the viewer is quickly drawn through a series of brief but striking scenes. Marshall and Courtney start making out while playing with a Ouija board, a prop which seems to be an excuse to get physically closer. Meanwhile Buck takes his own prop to Pammy’s, a single red rose, declaring that he couldn’t stay away from her. Then a quick sequence of closing scenes: Max lining up bathroom tiles at the new house, Kate lingering over the Princess Valhalla website, Charmaine asleep in bed as she sucks on her engagement ring like a child sucking her thumb, Marshall and Courtney kissing for the first time, and Buck pleasuring Pammy. The very last scene shows Tara abruptly waking up, startled to find herself in bed with Pammy. She dresses and leaves quickly while Pammy begs her to stay and calling her “Bucky.” When Tara opens the bedroom door to exit, she is greeted by Pammy’s two children who are watching cartoons and who seem to have met her or at least recognize her. They sweetly call good-bye to her as she flees from the scene, once again.
Commentary:
Tara is losing time again and at least one alter, Buck, is pushing to come back after Tara has declared “they” are all gone. Is this common in DID? Alters that “return” with a vengeance after being suppressed and denied by the main personality or “host” as Tara has done is common in Dissociative Identity Disorder, and may be a major problem. Viewed straightforwardly, if the issues that originally generated an alter have not been resolved, it is self-deceiving to imagine that their apparent absence for a period of time might indicate that they are integrated. This wish not to have DID is common and intense, sometimes causing a crisis in which the patient takes extreme measures to deny and avoid the diagnosis. This is contrary to the common myth that individuals are eager to “have” DID. Tara works hard to conceal, minimize, or distract from any indications of alter activity that might be observed by others. DID is a painful disorder of chronic avoidance, hiding, shame, and fear. It is understandable that people would rather be “rid” of difficult aspects of themselves. Tara demonstrates in this episode her ability to cover up the fact that she “loses time.” She does it with finesse, and only someone paying close attention in the family who is open to seeing what is really happening might find that there are serious discrepancies between her actual behavior and her accounts of her behavior.
Buck is male, while Tara is female. He has sex with a female (Pammy). Does this mean Tara is a lesbian? And do alters actually engage in behaviors like having sex with someone while the person as a whole has amnesia? We discussed in the first season that alters can take any form, according to the meaning that form and function have for the individual with DID. Buck clearly identifies with being male so forcefully that he has become not so much a man as a caricature of a macho male. We do not yet know if Tara has lesbian tendencies that she is disowning and displacing onto Buck as if they were more acceptable heterosexual urges, or whether this is yet another way in which Buck further solidifies his sense of self as a tough, capable, and now conquering male. He is not the first of Tara’s alters to act out sexually: “T” did so with Marshall’s love interest in the first season. So we do know that Tara as a whole person has a theme of sexual acting out, which is likely relevant to her history. It does make sense that if a person is seriously confused about his or her identity, that person might well be confused about his or her sexual identity and sexual preferences. A therapist might make a priority of exploring why Buck is acting out in such a potentially destructive way, and only secondarily would proceed to explore questions of sexual identity and preferences. Stabilization would be prioritized.
Why is it a problem to suppress alters and hope they have gone away? After all, they cause Tara and the family a lot of trouble. Although alters are not separate people, but rather parts of a single person that are not integrated, they do have at least some autonomy. That is, they have some capacity to think, feel, and act on their own accord. They will never just “go away,” because they are disowned aspects of a single person. Human beings cannot get rid of aspects of themselves they find unacceptable: they must first accept and then learn to change themselves. In the same way, alters must be accepted and eventually integrated: their feelings, thoughts, wishes, needs, memories, and actions are all part of a single person’s experience. We all have to “own” ourselves and as much of our experience as possible in order to function at our best. That is why dissociation is not the best long-term option in the majority of individuals with DID. When they are not integrated, they are always vulnerable to switching, time loss, and actions beyond their control that affect their lives in extremely painful ways.
This episode focuses on the theme of identity, and whether a person’s identity is something definite or uncertain, static or fluid. Kate is intrigued by her client Lynda P. Frazier’s alternate persona, the Princess Valhalla Hawkwind. Marshall rebuffs Lionel’s efforts to co-opt him as decidedly gay by suggesting that some people may still be questioning, suggesting an alternative category of “independent,” or possibly “undecided.” Does any of this material relate to DID? Yes. The struggle to develop a firm identity is a universal aspect of the human predicament. The scenes about identity and aspects of identity such as sexual orientation express the struggles of Tara, Marshall, Kate, and Charmaine. The struggling adolescents of “Gayble” are wrestling with the politics and practical realities of sexual orientation while Kate is curious about the true identity of this woman/princess she has discovered. Their efforts to make their way in a world that confuses and at times overwhelms them suggest they are dealing with issues that are similar to the concerns of a person who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder. The very words that describe the diagnosis suggest that individuals with DID are engaged in have an ongoing struggle to develop and maintain a cohesive sense of identity. Instead of one identity, they have many, all of which are rather narrowly defined and rigidly opposed to change, in contradiction to the flexibility and openness that Marshall models. Their narrowness and incompleteness raise the issue of whether DID patients suffer from too many identities or too many shortcomings to assemble a single identity. Buck, for example, would never consider being more like Tara, and vice versa. He cannot see that his identity conflicts with that of Tara in fundamental ways that make life miserable for not only Buck and Tara, but also for the family. And, while Marshall is refusing to allow his identity to be foreclosed, choosing to stay open to explore himself, his mother, in her most frequently seen alter, Tara, has gone in the opposite direction, trying to discard and deny parts of her self. We also see Kate’s fascination with Lynda Frazier’s avatar. She wonders if it is possible to be ideal, and has the chance to see that Lynda is not the Princess, but has at least been able to incorporate aspects of the Princess into her identity: a wonderful metaphor for integration in DID.
Lynda P. Frazier, a new character introduced in this episode, offers the appearance of a possible example of a more integrated personality encompassing several ego states, or at least represents a person whose different “self states” or parts cohabitate more peacefully with each other. How does this compare with Tara’s personality system? When Lynda asks Kate how she located her, Kate explains that during her internet search she found a website with artwork depicting Princess Valhalla Hawkwind and that Lynda’s address was listed for ordering art work depicting the Princess. Kate admits that she thought Lynda and the Princess were the same person. At first Lynda laughs and explains to Kate that the Princess was her invention, created two decades before during her “D&D” or Dungeons and Dragons phase, a complex role-playing game wildly popular in the 1970s and 1980s. She continues chuckling as she remembers the persona she created which caught on even to the point that some “Harvards” started drawing comics based on this character. We come to understand that Lynda herself has left the Princess self image behind once she began taking women’s studies classes in college. She began to appreciate that her art work and the role-playing as the character Princess Valhalla Hawkwind had been a reflection of her developing and evolving sense of herself as a woman. But when Kate admits she came in part hoping to meet the Princess, Lynda smiles, takes the pose of the character in the art and says “Well I’ll always be her …. a little.” Kate seems pleased to see a flicker of a shadow of the Princess still very much within the woman in front of her.
By contrast, Tara does not seem to know much, if anything, about her alters, and certainly cannot let herself become aware of the kind of history Lynda P. Frazier was able to give about her alter ego. The Princess’s story was developed from Frazier’s imagination. The stories of Tara’s alters began in her desperation, pain, and shame. Imagination was enlisted in the service of defending herself, not exploring other aspects of her selfhood. What Lynda shares about Princess Valhalla Hawkwind provides us with a starting outline of the kind of questions a DID patient might try to explore about parts of his or herself that are unfamiliar -- When and why were they created? What purpose did they serve then and how does that adaptation relate to the person as a whole now as well as during the time in between? Also, Lynda’s attitude toward this aspect of herself is so much more accepting than Tara’s attitude towards her alters who she basically wants to disappear and leave her alone. The Princess was sought and developed in the service of mastery. Tara’s alters came into being as desperate efforts to help her survive. There is also a realism to Lynda’s description of her sense of self during the time that the Princess was “active” - she describes her as “naïve” and we understand that Lynda would not choose to go back to that image of herself but has outgrown the need which the image of the Princess provided at that time. Tara, living in the present, remains the prisoner of a time warp that reenacts her past.
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S2 Episode 3: The Truth Hurts
This episode opens with Tara talking into her voice recorder saying, "I'm fucked". Quickly we see a shift to a scene in which Buck is trimming Pammy’s toenails. Next, we see Buck romantically engaging with Pammy and her children at breakfast as if they were a family. Abruptly, we are bearing witness as Tara talks to her voice recorder, expressing her confusion about why these events outside her awareness have been happening even though things are going well at home. She is shocked because she is now aware that she has been lying. She is terrified for Max as she believes telling him about her switching will break his heart. Tara arrives home while Max is busy refilling her prescriptions. Kate comes into the picture, flippantly talking to her parents. The phone rings and Max announces that the escrow has closed on the house. He excitedly hugs Tara, saying when he flips the house he can show her how much he loves her by taking her on a wonderful vacation. There is a sad quality to this family's struggle. They obviously care about each other but they often misunderstand what others need from them.
Next we see Marshall and his new girlfriend Courtney arriving at school, talking about other students making out on campus. Their conversation quickly turns to sex. We see Marshall, looking confused and puzzled as he talks shyly with Courtney, who aggressively inquires if he knows what "two dogs in a bathtub" means. The scene shifts to Charmaine, Tara, and a friend, talking as Charmaine is fixing their hair. Charmaine reveals that in college she had an affair with a woman, and Tara looks shocked and surprised. Their friend comments "you have to touch it, live it, taste it, to know it. You have to get up in it". This foreshadows Tara's next adventure. She has been struggling to make sense of Buck’s affair with Pammy. We see Tara begin this adventure by consciously trying to look and act like Buck. The scene shifts to Max and Neil at the new house waiting for Sully to do a job. Sully (whose name is an undisguised reference to his being dirty, and soiling whatever he touches) has been paid for doing some work for Max, but never shows up. Max brags to his partner about Tara and Marshall and how they've changed. Tara is becoming more and more curious about Buck and what drives him. Max continues to distract himself, by pleasing people and fixing things, his personal formula for coping and strengthening his denial. Marshall is trying to solve this identity crisis but without much adult support. The adults in his life are so out of control that they offer him little guidance, and instead often turn to him for support. He continues to be cheated out of a meaningful childhood.
As Tara continues to struggle with her divided mind and the confusion she feels, we see a number of scenes flashing back and forth between Tara trying to assume the role of Buck, Max at the new house bragging about how everything has changed for the better, Kate visiting Lynda Frazier trying to collect on the bounced check, and then to Marshall and Courtney engaged in sexual interactions, which seem both uncomfortable and exciting to both of them.
The drama peaks as Tara struggles to deal with Pammy. Tara arrives at Pammy's, acting like Buck. She is experimenting with the idea of homosexuality, which she began to explore after her conversation with Charmaine and their friend. This experiment quickly deteriorates when Tara becomes overwhelmed with disgust and shame, and Pammy is left feeling confused and betrayed. Tara looks around, sees a picture on the wall that tells a story about how much fun Buck and Pammy have been having, and is completely shocked. The scene switches to Kate and Lynda, whom Kate is in the process of befriending instead of pursuing as a target for debt collection. Kate playfully tries on the costume and persona of Princess Valhalla Hawkwinds. There is an interesting contrast between Kate’s and Tara's experimenting with alternate identities. Kate is excited and having fun with her friend Lynda, testing an alternative identity; Tara is being confronted by Pammy who tells her "Buck is going to kick your ass for hurting me." Tara tries to deny the reality of Buck. She tells Pammy that Buck is not real, but she is. Pammy dissolves into tears and Tara falls into the familiar role of maternal caretaker. We see Marshall and Kate talking about their life experiences. Marshall asking Kate about what it means "to do two dogs in the bathtub," and Kate shows confusion about loyalties between doing her job and becoming involved with her newfound friend. There is a contrast between Tara's rejection of her dissociated senses of self, not wanting to be who she is, and Kate and Marshall's struggles to pursue finding out who they are. Tara is struggling with denial, self rejection, and alienation from herself; Kate and Marshal are embracing their struggles and confusion over becoming adults. We also see a theme found in families with a DID parent; the kids have to rely more and more on themselves because their parents are unavailable and/or incapable of mobilizing themselves to function as parents.
As this episode moves to its conclusion, Tara and Max are struggling to find a way to relate and escape their dilemma. They decide to take the family ice-skating. (We recall how a family excursion to the bowling alley brought the last episode of the first season to a close.) Pammy, who has been following “Buck,” looks on sadly from her car. The Gregsons arrive at the ice rink and we see the family having fun skating around, with the background music trying to set a romantic mood. Pammy ominously walks up to the DJ's booth, picks up the microphone, and publicly professes her love for “Buck, Tara, whoever she is.” She tells everyone within hearing distance that she doesn't care about Tara's craziness, and that she loves her anyway. Pammy’s heartbroken appeal to Buck exposes Tara's deception to her family and everybody else at the ice rink. Max takes off, disappointed and angry, confronting Tara, "All I've ever done is be good to you". Tara stands alone, becoming more and more confused, depressed, and dejected. Charmaine tries to reassure Kate and Marshall, but they keep skating, working hard to not notice this most recent abandonment by their parents. Max drives to Sully’s home to confront Sully about the money he gave him. A birthday party for one of Sully’s children is in progress. He uses the party as an excuse to put Max off. However, Sully pushes his luck; as Max starts to walk away, Sully dismisses him with a rude comment. Enraged, Max punches Sully, provoking a fight with Sully which allows him to vent his frustration, disappointment, and anger.
The episode moves toward its close when Tara walks through the ice rink and ends up in front of the men's and women's restrooms, looking confused and sad. Her changing facial expressions show how intense the inner struggle between Tara and Buck has become. Buck wins as he walks into the men's restroom, striding in as the tough guy, startling a man standing at the urinal. He goes into a stall and sits down, trying to keep it together. Fighting his emotions without much success, Buck dissolves into tears, pounding on the side of the stall. Could this be a good sign? Could we see the beginnings of communication between Buck and Tara?
Commentary
In this episode, Tara appears to have a lot of conflict going on between different aspects of herself (the part of her we know as Tara and the part we know as Buck). Is this typical for someone with DID? DID is an condition of mind in which a person experiences intrusions into his or her sense of self that disorganize and confuse his or her ability to function. It is like an experience of me and then feeling I am not me, because something or someone has taken over. Early in this episode we see how Tara struggles to find a way to understand these experiences of me and not me (Tara vs. Buck). With almost complete amnesia between alters (like Tara has toward Buck), it is very difficult for someone to understand what is happening. The person feels he or she is crazy and tries to hide the switching that is going on from others and from his or her self. We see this form of denial all through the show, as Tara tries to appear normal to others. In this episode, we see the beginning of a shift that might move Tara more towards a more integrated state. She actually tries to pretend she is Buck, and the episode ends with Buck losing his toughness and becoming more emotional (which is more like Tara and not as tough and protective as Buck usually manages to be). Thus, both parts of herself are beginning to show their interconnectedness. Unless someone has a lot of experience acting, it is hard to imagine how a person’s subjective sense of self could change so much. However, if someone has DID, he or she may wake up to find that he or she has done things and doesn’t remember them, and sometimes (as is the case with the activities of Buck), these things are out of character.
If someone has the problems Tara is having, what needs to happen in order for change to start occurring? It is important to remember that a person with the diagnosis and DID is really a whole person but he or she doesn't know it yet. To achieve a more integrated consciousness and sense of self, a DID patient needs to develop certain attitudes. All parts of the self need to adopt an attitude of willingness to change. Usually they are disorganized and in enough pain to want to change. To do this they also need to accept the importance and legitimacy of all the other parts. Parts of the self were ALL essential in the client’s survival. Respecting, not necessarily liking one another, will be essential for them in appreciating the lessons learned by the other parts. Beginning to have mutual respect can lead to increasing communication between parts. Then as the parts learn to cooperate, a person with this diagnosis can more easily engage in the internal work needed to develop a more cohesive sense of self. This is not really different from what we see taking place in the members of the family as they struggle to find a place for themselves in life. If Tara, Buck, and the others can understand this, they can progress in their recovery.
Tara’s family members seem to care about each other, but it is not a fully functional family. What is missing?
Max has affection for Tara, and acts lovingly towards her in many ways. However, his care-taking involves an unspoken assumption that he should be in charge, that his judgment is sound and that he knows what is best for Tara. Too often he proceeds without respectfully involving Tara in major decisions. The Tara he sees in his mind and for whom he makes decisions is not the actual Tara who shares his life. Max has a sense of entitlement about making the purchase of their deceased neighbor’s house, and not a lot of empathy for how this purchase is affecting and will affect Tara’s well being. He does not seem to not understand the stress this purchase places on Tara and the family. Tara has expressed her concern about it on several occasions only to be dismissed. Max in some ways is a people pleaser, but he has a sense of entitlement about how his actions should pay off in what he receives back from his marriage. He feels people in general (and Tara in particular) should behave the way his actions are designed to make them behave. His parting comment to Tara at the skating rink ("All I’ve ever done is be good to you") indicates his lack of insight into Tara’s problems, and his sense of what Tara should return to him as a result of his “being good.”
Max’s lack of empathy (despite his affection), coupled with Tara’s preoccupation with her own troubles, results in their lack of availability and empathy for their children. Marshall and Kate are both struggling with their identities, but without much help from their parents, who are so engaged with their own struggles that they seem unable to free up sufficient emotional resources to address their children’s needs. Marshall is struggling with his sexual identity. He is not sure who he is, but he's willing to step out there and try to find out. It is painful to bear witness to his embarrassment, his innocence, and his stressful attempts to experiment to gain self-understanding. However, we can’t help being concerned that Max and Tara are not emotionally available to him, and that he has to turn to his sister Kate for advice and information. Although Kate is much more exuberant and seems to have a firm sense of herself, her identity is strongly defiant, boundary-breaking, and pleasure-seeking. She rarely demonstrates maturity in her decision-making, and her solutions to problems that concern Marshall are often superficial and flip, showing her to be as profoundly shallow as Marshall is profoundly deep. She seems to sense in Lynda a strength and maternal energy she cannot find at home, and her struggle to find herself in that relationship becomes so compelling that she abandons her original objective, to collect a large sum of money from her for the collection agency which employs her, in order to immerse herself in Lynda’s world. As viewers we wonder whether Kate would be so invested in her new relationship with Lynda if her parents were more able to be there for her.
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S2 Episode 4: You Becoming You
Episode 4 begins with Max reacting angrily to learning that Tara’s alter “Buck” was having an affair with Pammy, the waitress. In the first scene, he confronts Tara about her dishonesty regarding the return of her alters over the last few months. Tara said she “didn’t know” about it; Max retorted, “You didn’t want to know.” This exchange highlights the co-occurring amnesia and denial that is pervasive in those with DID. Max’s manner is hostile as he insists that Tara “get help.” Tara initially blames Buck and does not accept responsibility for her behavior. Max also seems to accept that Buck is the problem, refusing to see that the problem belongs to Tara as a whole person. Max’s anger rapidly becomes redirected into an aggressive sexual encounter with Tara in the backyard of the Hubbard house. This seems to be a misguided attempt both to restore their threatened relationship, to vent Max’s aggression, and to allow Tara to make a somewhat masochistic sexual apology. Tara responds eagerly, ever the master of avoiding the difficult and conflictual. The scene has violent and disturbing overtones easy to overlook because of its erotic intensity. Their coupling calls to mind the aggressively passionate sex in which some couples with serious attachment problems engage after violent fights. Later, Max tries to act like “Billy Jack” in front of Marshall, and starts aggressively tearing out bookcases in the Hubbard house with a crowbar. We wonder if Max is still trying to make a powerful statement by asserting his macho masculinity to compensate for his shame about Tara’s having gone elsewhere for sex. Marshall is not caught up in Max’s attempts to repair his damaged masculine self-esteem. He has concerns about his father’s anger, and asks him to tell Tara that he beat up Sully. Max is angry but is stuck. We see him torn between his rage and his powerful need to be the “nice guy.” We see him unable to find an assertive middle ground, and sliding back to his usual ways of coping. Tara tries to discuss the public disclosure of Buck’s affair with Pammy at the skating rink with her children, but the entire family seems disconnected from one another, each member involved in his or her own problems and struggles with identity. Beneath the usual Gregson veneer of denial, there seems little family togetherness or mutual support.
In a later scene, Tara seeks advice from the new gay neighbors, Ted and Hannie, about finding a local therapist, and Ted tells her there are few competent therapists in the area. Though Ted is probably not the best and certainly not the only source of reliable information on the subject of therapists who treat DID, Tara takes his word without further investigation. Ted gives her a book written by his former therapist in New York City, Shoshanna Schoenberg. We recall that Ted has been singing Shoshanna Schoenberg’s praises in previous episodes as well as in this one. Tara begins to read Shoshanna’s book and immediately becomes enthralled, as though she has found the answer to her problems.
Musing in the house Max is renovating, the former home of the late Don Hubbard, Tara is thinking about calling a therapist. Absentmindedly , she dials a couple of numbers on an old rotary phone. This evokes a childhood memory. We see Tara as a small girl of about 3 or 4 coming in the door with Charmaine. Charmaine is wearing a tattered red poncho, the very kind of poncho that “Gimme” wore in the first season. A woman in a dress and high heels (perhaps like Alice?) is at the door, telling them to come in, and asks Tara, “What in the world have you done to your poncho?!” The woman then goes to a rotary phone to call someone. That is the end of that memory fragment. Tara later tells Max that she has contacted Shoshanna and will begin “phone therapy” or “maybe Skype” to begin treatment since her new therapist, the much-praised Shoshanna Schoenberg, is in New York. Max is dubious about phone and Skype therapy. Does he already “smell a rat?” Later, in bed, Tara continues to read Schoenberg’s book. When Max asks her how her first session went, Tara describes the first telephone session as “intense.” It is unclear both to Max and to us whether Tara is being truthful about having a session, or even what a “session” means.
The Gregson family continues to struggle to meet one another emotionally. After an awkward and uncomfortable second sexual encounter with his female friend, Courtney, which was clearly unsatisfying to both of them , Marshall formally “comes out” to his father, disclosing that he is gay. Although this is hardly news, it is a profoundly poignant, painful, and important moment for Marshall. Max briefly acknowledges his son’s disclosure, but he does so in an emotionless and almost offhanded way. His diffidence goes far beyond what we would expect on the basis of Max expecting this kind of revelation (which of course he was). Max virtually “blows off” one of the most important moments of Marshall’s life. He rapidly changes the subject. Marshall is left a little confused. We can see that he had expected more of a reaction from his father. Max later tells Tara that Marshall’s disclosure gave him hope for his son. Tara was not surprised either, and seems comfortable with the news. Marshall made himself very vulnerable in making this profoundly important statement. He had just been experimenting with heterosexuality, and finally had concluded that his homosexual orientation is fixed and firm. We cannot help but cringe in empathy with Marshall’s pain in taking the risk of making this major step and finding that his parents, despite their superficial acceptance of his situation, are not there for him in any meaningful way when he tries to come out.
Charmaine’s fiancée announces to Max and Tara that Charmaine is pregnant before Charmaine has the chance to do so. The pregnancy is an unexpected development. Charmaine seems truly excited and Tara hugs her. As they hug, Tara has a vision of herself and Charmaine as small children.
Meanwhile Kate is spending time with Lynda Frazier. She poses in the Princess Valhalla Hawkwind costume as Lynda paints her portrait. Clearly, Kate is enjoying the attention of an older and somewhat wiser and more mature woman, a kind of attention she does not receive from her mother, her mother’s alters, or her terminally childish and immature aunt Charmaine. Lynda suggests they make a movie about Princess Valhalla, which excites Kate. Kate’s car will not start when she starts to leave Lynda’s, so Max and Tara come to pick her up at Lynda’s place, a funky studio in a warehouse. Tara has misgivings about Lynda and her motivations toward Kate, almost as though she suspects there is the potential for sexual acting out. We appreciate that such possibilities must surely be on Tara’s own mind, given Buck’s recent escapades with Tammy.
The concluding scene of this episode reveals that Tara has created a new alter who is a therapist based on the inestimable Shoshanna Schoenberg, with whom she is allegedly having phone sessions. Max unexpectedly encounters Tara in the Hubbard study. Tara, in this new alter, is having a therapeutic dialogue with Tara as we usually encounter her. In the role of Tara’s therapist, she chastises him for “interrupting” her phone session with Tara. Max seems stunned by what he is witnessing as the final scene draws to a close. Tara has once again found a way to engage in and/or perpetuate major avoidance of her problems by creating a new alter, just as new memories have begun to surface and Buck is creating chaos.
Those who enjoy the movies and love the way motion pictures and television shows often, whether intentionally or unthinkingly, pay tribute to memorable moments and performances in the past, will savor Toni Collette’s fantastic and meticulously nuanced homage to Barbara Streisand in the “debut” of Shoshanna Schoenberg. Whether consciously intended or not, those few moments in and of themselves are a remarkable performance.
Commentary
What is it like to have a family member with DID?
Each person with DID and each family with a member who suffers from DID is unique. In the Gregson family, the struggle to understand and cope with Tara’s DID create an ongoing tension between the Max and Tara. Both go to increasingly greater lengths to avoid the very real problems confronting them both individually and as a couple. Max vacillates between anger, frustration, and acceptance, a common dilemma for family members who are dealing with those who have a serious mental disorder. Neither Max nor Tara can quite seem to accept that Tara must be responsible for her alter’s behaviors, yet the condition cannot be stopped dead in its tracks – allowances must be made for outrageous acting out that likely would not be tolerated in a relationship with someone who did not have DID. Family members, as well as the individual with DID, are often confused about how to think about and cope with alters that act out, and perhaps one of the easiest ways to avoid tension and conflict is to consider the alters different people. Max and Tara have colluded in creating this delusion, so they do not have to address their growing relational issues that result from Tara’s fragmentation and Max’s dysfunction. In fact, Max’s preoccupation with the alters is a relatively common phenomena in partners of those who have DID.
Marshall and Kate have accepted their mother’s DID and talk about it openly, but more typically “in real life” it is not discussed with others, efforts are made to conceal and be secretive about the situation, and often the children are confused and ashamed about their family member and their family member’s disorder. We can see that Tara’s acting out takes time away from her children. It not only compromises her own time for mothering, but also often compromises Max’s function as a father as he takes time to deal with Tara and appears endlessly preoccupied with her situation. This is probably responsible for Max’s totally failing to be there for Marshall when he was trying to talk to Max about coming out as gay. Tara’s children are very aware of her alters and their activities, but much less able to identify and relate to their mother’s pain and struggles. In reality, the manifestations of Tara’s DID are extreme in their overtness and in identifying themselves to others. Mostly, alters are hidden and many may be very similar to each other. A considerable portion of a DID patients’ personality system is more an internal than an overt phenomenon, so that others do not notice when switching occurs. The dramatic presentation of different alters is usually an indicator of extreme stress or conflict in the person with DID. A DID mother’s children may react differently to different alters when they are aware of them, and this can be confusing to the children. The overall stress in the family is typically felt by children and may lead to a range of reactions including withdrawal, acting out, depression, anxiety, and attentional problems. Kate clearly has sought out replacements figures, others who will focus attention on her. Marshall is more of a caretaker and though he seems wise and highly intelligent, he essentially is often left alone to navigate the difficult waters of adolescence and the exploration of his sexual orientation. Educational and family therapy can assist in the process of adapting to the stress of living with a parent who has a serious mental illness, but so far, the United States of Tara has not addressed this potential source of help for Marshall and Kate.
Is it really possible for one alter (Buck, for example) to engage in behavior such as a sexual relationship with someone and the person cannot recall what has happened while that alter is dominant? The short answer is yes, but it is a complicated question. Periods of lost time and inability to remember one’s behaviors are common in those with DID. Many of these behaviors are relatively minor, for example, doing chores around the house, writing in a journal, shopping. Some people have alters that go to work, and then they are unable to recall what has happened at work. But the majority of these behaviors are within the bounds of normal life. Actually carrying on a sexual relationship with another person and having no memory of it is possible, but less common. In many people the distinctions between alters is not as dramatic as in Tara, and more information is shared internally among them. But many people with DID report that people seem to know them and to have had previous conversations with them, although they have no memory of it. As with Tara in this episode, people with DID may have a combination of amnesia and denial about activities and relationships in which alters are engaged. This can be especially true when the individual feels shame, guilt or fear about what they have done. A major goal in therapy is to help those who have amnesia for their behaviors to gradually, as Tara is attempting, to get to know their alters and establish empathic communication and cooperation.
In this episode, Tara created a therapist alter. Is it common for people with DID to continue to create alters?
In some cases, yes, individuals with DID continue to create additional alters in order to avoid or cope with situations that feel overwhelming or involved serious conflict. Tara does not want to acknowledge that she needs help for a variety of reasons, and is avoiding getting into therapy in a way that will truly help her confront herself. At the same time, Tara is in need of a therapist, so she creates an alter that identifies herself as such. In Tara’s mind, this magically “solves” the problem of not having an ideal therapist locally available and protects her from the scrutiny of a real therapy, which would be confronting her avoidances and resistances. It protects her alter system from scrutiny by an objective observer who might challenge Tara to face the catastrophic truths she hopes to never have to face.
Can persons with DID do therapy with themselves by creating another alter based on a therapist in real life?
No, it is not likely that a DID patient can treat and cure herself or himself. A “therapist” alter is not a trained therapist, after all, but only a caricature of one, perhaps drawing upon the individual’s own wisdom or imitations of past therapists. Tara avoids certain threatening issues and forms of relational closeness through her switching, a common finding in those with DID. Therefore, the therapeutic relationship itself is an essential aspect of the complex treatment of DID that a “therapist” alter could not provide. An intense relationship with a therapist trained to work with DID, or with a therapist who acquires such training rapidly when that therapist appreciates that he or she is confronted with a DID patient, is necessary. One cannot presume to be capable of appreciating and addressing one’s own blind spots. Both lawyers and doctors have a similar axiom for such situation. The medical version goes something like this: The doctor who treats himself has an idiot for a patient, and a fool for his physician.
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